Sorry..sorry
Ok, I'm not a great person, I left it more than a day without weblogging, sorry! I'm afraid that since my last update I've just been so zoned out. I'll go to school knackered after not wanting to get up, I'll then proceed to wake up and gradually get tired. By the time I get home, I'm knackered still. I want to sleep but I have stuff to do, and I'll put off sleeping. Of course, by the time I finally get a chance to sleep, I'm not actually in a "sleep" state of mind. Argh, it's playing havoc with my system.
Computing coursework/homework, chemistry coursework, maths homeworks and constant physics revision pressure is eating up a lot of my resources it seems. I've been criticised for not "having a life" in this town where "having a life" is getting pissed on cider in the main street, but I really don't have the energy to "have a life." I do go to the gym once a week and will strive to go play snooker once a week too. I go to the cinema as much as I can get lifts to the neighbouring towns and as much as I have money, I socialise in school hours....by the weekend I'm knackered and laze around catching up on missed sleep. Excuse me for "not having a life"..otherwise known as "going out to clubs and pubs and getting slaughtered in the aim of pulling as much as I can that stands". Excuse me for thinking it's all a bit premature.
Schooling is coming first. The thing I want to do is go to university so that I can HAVE the time of my life. I'm ready to sacrafice the drinking and getting sloshed stage in the next 6 months so that I can partake in that in the next 4 years and on, doesn't that make sense? The fact is that taking 4 subjects on at A-Level was a very very bad thing for me to do. I do Physics, Maths, Chemistry and Computing, all of which need equal attention, and I'm glad for these half terms (starting this weekend) just so that I can recouperate. I'm not ashamed to admit that all of this education is getting at me, and not in a good way.
Ah, but it's all a stage. Only a few months left and it'll all be over, and I'll be able to breathe a sigh of relief. This half term, however, I have to actually do something so I'm not bored out of my skull. On the 20th I am going to Bristol to have a look around the university. I don't THINK it's an interview that I'm going to, at least I hope not. If it is then I think that having not worried about it will help anyway :^D. That's my Wednesday sorted out anyway. Thursday evening will be spent at the gym, Tuesday evening at the snooker. Friday, as always, will be spent at home.
Agh, this is where people question me. They ask why I don't bother going (illegally) to clubs, and why I don't go out and party. They don't understand, I'm fucking young really, for what they are. Mos of these people are 18 already or are almost 18. Most of my mates are counting down the weeks to their 18th...I'm only halfway through my 17th year. I dunno why this is such a point, but something in me makes this one. Maybe it's being brought up by a law abiding police father, but I don't really feel that I need to be out clubbing or pubbing yet. That along with the fact that the transport to get to a "decent" club is expensive and horrible...and let me stress how cornwalls "decent" clubs are not even a patch on the patch of clubs up country...means I really have no desire to get with the whistle crew crowd that know nothing about actual clubbing, actual dance and infact are probably just there because they want to lose their virginity, or simply fuck for the N10th time.
Of course that's not what everyone wants to do, I am generalising as is always the case, but my point stands. Most women down here consider Fragma to be hot dance, and absolutley rave about MisTeeq. Most guys think the only type of dance that has any place in a club is the fucking warp brothers or public domain. The reason to club here isn't to go and have a fun time with some fucking class music and the general possibility of pulling, it's to simply pull. It's as if the music could not exist, the only thing it does is stop the need for communication and decrease the time it takes for two people to be rubbing each other down.
Bah.
I finally understand what people have been saying about the youth around here, drive through the main street after dark and everyione between 14-16 will be there drinking cider and pissing about. This translates into nights out where it's all about being a lager lout basically.
Ah, lets try and lighten the tone slightly. Chemistry has been entertaining in it's failure. We have spent now 3 hours of class time testing and retesting, trying and retrying this damn standardisation. Today we finally came to the conclusion something isn't right and that we can't do what we're being asked. The teacher finally agreed and said "well, use The scores for the mini tournament of pool stands at 6-3 to me. Yesterday we played some more games, but the roll of the table was awful, godawful. The ball at points would actually speed up after slowing down because of the roll, shots to the middle pocket were trajectory placings, not simple pots. Unfortunately for Steve it seemed the luck of the roll was more on my side than his and I took the lead. Today we tried a few more games, and at least the roll was gone, but again Steve pretty much had the shitty end of the luck donkey, and had a rough time with some pots that really should have gone. CDDB server is apparantly down, I want to rip these CD's but I don't want to exert any more than minimum effort in doing so. I won't be ripping them until they automatically fill in the names, because I'll be rogered if I'm going to put them in manually. It's starting to feel like summer again though, even though this morning I was pulling on my gloves faster than a bunch of immigrants can burn down a holding center, by the afternoon it was quite warm. We have girls at the school already making their feelings felt on their allowance to wear revealing clothing to tan theirselves, and we guys are certainly not complaining. Well, maybe about some of them, but most of them we will gladly allow to be around us wearing so little. Damn, now I'm just a chauvenistic pig, probably. However, if wanting to appreciate beauty all the time, and see it in a greater form is being chauvenistic...and if admiring someone because they look stunning, without necessarily wanting making them strip in public is being a pig...Well, then I don't mind being one. Oink. posted by pygmy`shrew at 17:27
A more substantial ramble Today, shall be a much more productive update, oh yes. This one shall take some time to read, believe me. *evil laughs* Lets start from the beginning, as starting from the end would be a bit short. Yesterday. I forgot to mention that in an effort to add some interest into the currently stale free periods we have, me and my good friend Steve R have decided to turn our usual pool games into a more tournament style event. There will be 35 frames, well...thats if I can keep up with him. First to 18 frames will be the winner. Now we all know that Steve is the better player most days, but I have to strive to beat him at this...otherwise we will still all know that he is the better player most days! Currently it is 1-0 to him, after a close (scrappy) frame he took the win. We DID play a second game, but (despite my arguments against) he has decided not to count his win in that match thanks to the interference by two unnamed females trying to put us off. Unfortunately they didn't put Steve off, but they did put me off (grrs), and I missed one of the easiest straight shots to a ball over the pocket. It could have been game after potting that if it hadn't of been for those meddling kids! Other things to mention from yesterday: Seeming I didn't really update yesterday because of the extensive amount of coursework I had to do (read: Red Alert 2), I'll list some quick other occurances here. Firstly there is the fact that Mr Mulford was away again. I give my condolences to him and his family of course, and at least we know that he will soon be back to torment us with his work. In fact, he didn't wait to come back, he emailed Kev the work that we are expected to have in to him by the end of the week, 2200 words of essays and a completed mini-project for Delphi. At the same time we're meant to be completing our coursework which has to be in in about 5 weeks time. You know, I'm strangely enjoying the fact that all this work is mounting up... I also had an entertaining chemistry lesson with Simon "big man" Male. He's a laugh a minute and he doesn't even realise it. As someone put when I talked to them last night, "He makes me laugh, even though I don't talk to him." Yesterday we were told to scrap our ideas for using sodium carbonate as the substance to titrate into hydrochloric acid with a methyl red indicator, and told to use Sodium Hydroxide with a phenyl pthaliaen (sp?) indicator. While I was having fun making the Sodium Hydroxide dissolve and warm to water to something that felt like 40 degrees celsius, he was being his usual (un)delecate self and clunking glass against glass. It's a wonder the pippete he was brutalising didn't smash in his hands. Quote of the day came when eyes turned to him asking if he'd broke anything, and he replied "Nah, it's ok. I may be a big man, but I'm very dexterous!" Oh how me and Dan laughed. Agh! I also learned that Mauro Picotto, Joy Kitikonti and Gabry Fasano would be doing guest DJ work at (I think) Fabric on march the 29th. You don't known how much I'm kicking myself that I won't be able to get to that, it is guarenteed to be one of the best nights out this year. *humph* OK, on to semi-current, I also realised something yesterday, and this is one of the greatest things in the world for me right now. If you back track a week or two in my blogs, and in my thoughts, you will find that I was seriously down. This was because I liked someone in a way that was unreciprocated. It's not my fault, it's not her fault...it's just bad luck. I say this because it was at the stage where the feelings were there...a part of me, but weren't actually what I wanted, sort of like an unsightly ulcer. I had been trying for almost a year to get over my feelings for her and all that they were doing was getting stronger and stronger. This is mainly because I didn't know exactly where I stood, and exactly how much she knew about all this, and thus I felt it was effecting my friendship with her, one of the best friendships two people could ever know. This is also one of the worst things you can feel....ever. So, thanks to some help from my friends I built up enough courage just to talk to her about it, and all was cool...even if she didn't seem to understand the concept of me absolutely adoring her but not actually wanting to be with her or even feel that way. I dunno what to say, but it helped. Two weeks ago all I could think of was her and wanting to be with her and have her as mine. This week? This weekend? Well, I must have thought about her twice, and both times in a friendship sense and deffinately not in a depressed longing way. One of the best things I could have done for myself was talk to her and basically confess, and it worked. Wether it's had an effect on the friendship from her side of the deal I can't tell. Sure we don't exactly talk as much as we used to, but I won't be worried about that while exams are going on. In school I struggle to take in what people are saying to me at the best of times right now, so I don't blame anything other than the workload for that. Right now I'm much more free of depressed thoughts, in fact I don't think I've had any non-education related stresses recently. The only prevailing thought in my mind is this eternal want for something good. It's like actually having this friendship with the person I (used to)like as much as the earth itself has just opened a part of me to the thought that there are people out there that are also that great and that I will have the chance to develop a much more intimate relationship with. Meanwhile I still need to get pictures of my friends, this one in particular, because there are so many good looking and beautiful factors about so many of them. It really is like a privelage around them. Ah, anyway, on to today and forward. Today is my full day. I have six lesson and I am usually tired. I was tired. I started off the day with my chemistry teacher telling me to forget everything I'd been told yesterday (see above) and to once again use Sodium Carbonate with methyl red/orange. Once again I started making up some poxy solution of crappy sodium carbonate that takes about 20 minutes to disolve with stirring. I made this all this in a beaker, roughly to the 200cm3 mark. Did it come out to roughly 200 when I poured it into the volumetric flask? NO, it came out to something more like 270. How can beakers be made that damn innacurate?! Thus, cursing under my breath, and trying to disolve this shitty substance in a much lesser volume of water (NOT EASY) I managed to get my solution made before the 50 minute lesson was up. GRAH! Chemistry is not at all coing right, I haven't even got on to my main task yet, and people like Sara Roberts are charging ahead and putting us all to shame. I am not amused. After yet another boring lessons of capacitor physics we had to have a talk with a maths teacher. The department is short of staff that understand A-Level statistics and thus things are stretched. Our teacher is abscent and we don't know where. He could be ill, although we are usually told if that is the case, or he could have had a relative die. If the latter is the case then I shall try for another school soon, because that will be 3 teachers I've had that have lost their relatives. Hmm, spooky. Other alternative reasons are that he has had a bust up with management and been given some time to cool down, or has gone AWOL of his own accord. He could be in a coma and no-one knows when he'll come out of it. He could have some form of court case against him that no-one knows about and he doesn't know when it's going to end. Or, finally, he could be trying to break the world record for drinking the most pints of lager in a pub at one time. He either has done this already and the hangover could take anything from a week to a month to subside, or he is in training for such a feat. We all prefer the final theory. Meanwhile, in college, maths teacher Dr Searle is taking on the workload like a champion. Already taking 3 additional lessons for one year 13 class because Mr Balance left (*weeps*), he is now going to take on two of ours to make sure that we don't fall behind on our work. Ah, good ol' Rich. We all thanked him for giving us somethign to do instead of three free (boring) periods a week, and went off for a free period (well, it's not like we were going to learn anything while he didn't know what we were doing, is it?). Taking the time to inform the resident Germans of the situation and go to buy a paper, I'd say that the time in THAT free period was one well spent. Ooooh! But Pro-Life activists have got my back up, oh yes. Pro-Life, the anti-common sense and anti-realistic thought group is one that wishes all life to be preserved and nurtured. Pro-Life and Pro-Choice activists often go off to large open fields and duke it out in a medievil stylee about who is right about abortion. Ok, so maybe they don't ACTUALLY do the sword fights and stuff, but that would be pretty cool. The fact is that the Pro-Life supporters are too stupid to be swayed in opinion, they will always be a constant bane to all of those with common sense because they are retarded. There is no nicer way to put this, the activists are among the most stupid and narrow minded in the world. This stupid large mass of people have now taken a case to court (European I think because all the fucking stupid cases get taken up there) to make buying "Morning After" pills over the counter an illegal activity. You see, Pro-Life want it so that (at most) the best thing you can do is go to your doctors and get an appointment. After the weeks have passed to see the GP because of stupid waiting lists, you will be able to go to him and tell him of your prediciment, and that you may be pregnant. He can then prescribe this contraceptive to you so that you can take it, although strangely later than the "morning after" part of the pills name suggests. Of course this is exactly what they want, they don't want the actual pill to ever get used, because it is an abomination that all the 14 year old girls these days fucking scrotes brains out because it's the cool thing to do should want to ever stop themselves from getting pregnant and having a child before they've even taken their gcse's. It's a disgrace against mankind that the couple that don't want a kid because their jobs severely depend on their life situation remaining as is, and had used a condom, find that the the condom has split and want to make sure that there are no chances. It's an awful thing to let all these teenage pregnancies keep increasing in numbers and utterly horrifying to think that rape victims that don't want to go through the official means and simply want to (in their own way) forget the whole thing and take a morning after pill to make sure that, aside from disease, they won't be having the bastards child. Ohh no, this is absolutely stupid crazy mans talk. Pro-Life have taken it too far. Pro-Life sort of had a point when campaigning against abortion. Sure, there is a point where abortions shouldn't take place. There is a point where that kid is alive in you and shouldn't be harmed. But up to that point, it is nothing. It is a mass of tissue, it is a growth, it is not life, merely an extension of the mother. If the mother decides she doesn't WANT that growth, then it is her choice, and her choice alone. If she wanted to get rid of a child after the heart starts beating, that is a different matter. Pro-life's argument falls down when people talk about the baby before the heart beats, and before any kind of brain activity happens. They will claim life is started upon fertilisation. They have a point...but it's about this big --> . Now they're taking it too far. The morning after pill stops the fertilised egg from attatching itself to the uterus, way before "life" actually begins. Now please feel free to correct me if this is wrong, I don't want to be ranting if it's bullshit, but I just can't see how these pro-life bullshitters, mostly driven by religious drivel, can even get away with what they are trying to pass in court. Hmm, rant over I think. Played football again today *cheers*. Played the usually cocky year 10's, whom were surprisingly NOT cocky when we had a little kick about against them. Our team was shocking. With two people that can't be arsed to play, one that hogs the ball, one that doesn't do much and me and Steve providing the only real attack, the team was looking a bit poor. We did ok however, and we aquired a couple of year 10's. This soon put us on the road to victory. Ah, it feels so good to be playing again, getting physical once more and asserting myself on a field/playground. Funny how it is coinciding with a greater sense of courage and a deffinate decline in shyness that I'm feeling. Things are deffinately looking up for University, and I can't wait until it comes. posted by pygmy`shrew at 17:15
Agh! I have so much work to do! I have chemistry coursework to be doing and all the time I am being rushed and hearded into this computing coursework. I'll be surprised if I do anything but computing work all of this week. With a maths teacher down and out I am, for the first time, worrying about wether I'm going to be able to make the grade in the summer. I know I probably shouldn't be, but a LOT of shit is happening that I can't control and it is donig nothing to further my education. Agh! It's just too much, and so much that I keep getting distracted from writing this thing tonight. I am afraid I shall have to leave this for now. posted by pygmy`shrew at 18:49
Tuesday, February 12, 2002
Monday, February 11, 2002